vulgarinviolet

out-of-character

Hey kittens.

I'm pulling Kaoru(vulgarinviolet), Shinshin(thedrumdolly) and Brian(drumsofdresden). I just don't have the time to keep up with them. I'm so sorry to those I played with, I adore you-Anna, Erin and Kai. Thank you for making chimera fun and I'm sad that I don't have the sort of time it takes to keep up anymore!

In my head I imagine Shinya and Kyo will probably just be married forever occassionally throwing dishes and probably adopting more small dogs for Shin to dress up in cute outfits. They'll sustain themselves on the money Kyo makes from selling Shinya's sex tape on the internet. Myavi and Kaoru will probably stay in their house for the rest of eternity and be cute and in love, but pretend they aren't. And poor Brian didn't get any playtime out of the box-he'll probably never even figure out his sexuality.

For now I'm keeping Shaun and Jonathan in, though I've been neglecting the two of them too. If I get some more time I might bring some of the other boy's back, but as it is, I can barley get these two around.

If you need me you can IM me on my ooc SN.


<3Roo Devon

Good lord. The ENTIRE band has just about moved here now. Dir en grey is invading.






No one tell Totchi, I implore.
I couldn't stand to have his face around.
Not after.
After all.


Anyway, seems our rhythm guitarist, Die has decided to join us.






And here we all thought you were the straight one.
Wow. I do look a little disgruntled in that photo.

Maybe they had a point when they told me Iooked...grumpy.
Their word, not mine.




Die. Meet me for a beer soon.

I also found this picture of Kyo ASLEEP in another one of our interviews. Jeez, man.

Miyavi.

I am...sorry.

Distancing is what we do-remember?


Damn it.
I am so horrid at all of...this.



I'll be back from Japan in a week.
We will talk.
I miss your beauty.
Surrounding me.

This is all my fault.
As usual.

What is this-exhilaration?

Would that be the word?


I'm so used to one flat note of feeling.
My body has been swarmed by darkness for so long,
But now the weight, it scatters and splays,
and the meat and bones of my body feel so light.
It's hard to explain-
to express-
in general.

I feel excited, but without fear for the first time.
Sure of something other then music.

I am a traditional man. I believe in respect and boundaries-
but he tramples through that.


These are all very good things.
He agreed to come with me to Kyoto for
the circus that will be Shinya and Kyo's wedding.

Maybe we all belong in a circus.
We're all tightrope walkers, in someway-
trying to balance.

I think I'm on my way across the wire.

So I think I actually miss him.

That's new.


Have you seen this?
Fucking beautiful.





What have I gotten myself into?




Got a weird text message from Shinya today.
Apparently I am to avoid Kyo.
Whatever, Shin.
It's not like we're on the best of terms now anyways.



Finally getting back to playing guitar.
They said my fingers may take some time to relearn some of the positions.
Apparently Kyo's face is hard enough to splinter some of the bones.


Yeah. It's true.
I do miss him.

He made me smile.

I made him....



This could be something.
Something real.



I'm wating for the bottom to fall out
but I'm holding on for dear life, even if it does.
(Even with my gimp arm.)

Still typing with one hand.



Doctors say it should come off within a week.
Off the meds and then back to beer.
The back to guitar within two.
God I've missed my guitar.

No alcohol.
No sex.
No guitar.
Christ Kyo, why didn't you just kill me?


Though being spared of vices has kept me from moping in my house.
I even went to Kyo's to start some sort of apology conversation.
Instead I found a twig of a boy
with really good hair
he's apprently taken in.

Sweet kid, Bill.
It's funny, even when we're fighting,
we're family
and I feel inclined to help him too.


Then. Kyo asked Shinya to marry him.
All is right with the world when two people meant to be together are together.

As jealous as I am
I'm happy for them.



Met a clever boy named Miyavi.
A beautiful challenge.

I am typing with one hand.



The other is taped in place as to not to disrupt the reset bones in my clavical my best friend pulled out of place with his bare fucking hands.







This vacation can kiss my ass.

Shinya came over last night, and in some sort of cleansing act
we actually washed all of the purple out of my hair.


He insisted on taking some pictures:



( Blonde. )



I feel better.
A lot better.

Shinya and Kyo came over last night.


What a rare thing, seeing them together agian.



Not a lot has changed, but Shinya seems a little less likely to take Kyo's abuse, which I suppose is very good.



As for me, I'm going to start getting out.
I promised Shinya on the phone I would leave my house at least once this weekend.


He's got a way of bringing out the best in people.





As for the unrequited love, well, I suppose for now I'll have to live vicariously through Shinya and Kyo.

Yeah, this jerk is here too-







He is the brother I never had, and a hell of a vocalist.

My friends are assholes.




Shinya, the delightfully nurturing drummer of my band took it upon himsef to move here.
I guess one too many drunken late night calls to Tokyo.
His concern is sweet. Sincere.





He looks like a delicate flower.
Don't let it fool you, when he starts drumming, he is full of life and possibly invicible.



He make look fragile,
but really he's the strongest of us all.




Strong enough, even for him.

I do this. I hide too much.


But it's so hard.

Dragging myself out of bed,
leaving the floor
this whole thing with communication.

Talking has never amounted to anything.
The greatest conversations I have had were physical.


I don't want words.
I want feelings.

I want to speak volumes with my hipbones,
I want to sing with my eyes
and lie with my hands.

I want to be surrounded by beauty that I can live vicariously through.





I want to stop thinking about him for five minutes.
I need more whiskey.
I need to turn up the volume.

[Apologies to all. It seems my computer is down for the count for a day or two whilst it gets looked at. Big sorries to IM folks whom I keep dumping on accident.]

Got a phone call today. There is concern over how 'grumpy' I seem to be in band shots.



Grumpy is their word, not mine.
My emotional state is of no concern until it infers with my atheistic value.

But why did they have to send a picture?
Withhim in it.
Seeing him again, even a flat, unobtainable picture.
It sends me reeling.

The one untouchable thing of beauty in my life.
How I want it, so desperatly.


I thought I was free of it,
my soul is aching for a moment of peace
but then.

Now.


Everytime I see
that boy's sunshine smile.


It's like he's here.

I have to stay away from that little one.
His light. His innocence.
I'll just destroy it.


That's what I am:
A destroyer.







I just want to feel.



Even with all these men here,
these beautiful
passionate men.

I don't know if I'll ever love again.






I am not 'grumpy'.
Just honest.

Oh, my.

Twenty-four hours and already....all of this.



That little one was delicious, but so dangerous.

He reminds me of...




I find myself wanting to...



Hmm.
Sonny. With a smile, bright like the sun.






And then there's...

Who already belongs to someone.

But beauty should never be taken for granted.







Chimera.
Proving to be a very interesting vacation.

Chimera. There is something in the water.



Sex with strangers in the park, how juvenile.









How...delicious.

Decided to vacation. Good to get away from the temptation of him.

His hipbones, mostly.



Someone suggested Chimera. I haven't heard of it, but it is advertised as a wonderland.

Wonderland, indeed.










Always down the rabbit hole.

Bored. The U.S. tour is on hiatus. Need a vacation.


Vacation and a cigarette.


And a good lay.


I still dream of him. His tiny little body and all that beautiful long hair.
Kyo said it would be unethical of me to pursue him.







Like there is anything sexy about behaving ethically.